Staying in touch with birth relatives

Staying in touch with birth relatives can play an important role in helping your child understand their story and feel secure as they grow. Every family is different, and there’s no single 'right' way to stay connected. 

Whether this involves meeting birth relatives, exchanging letters, or exploring other ways to keep important relationships alive, our goal is to support you and your child every step of the way.

When a child is being placed for adoption, we try, wherever possible, to arrange a meeting with their birth parents or other adult relatives. This is called a “Getting to Know You” meeting. It takes place in a neutral setting with support workers present.

Many adopters find this experience positive and helpful. It gives you the chance to learn more about your child’s story and makes it easier to answer their questions as they grow. 

We hope this meeting is the start of a respectful, collaborative relationship between you and the birth family, helping to create the best possible Staying in Touch arrangements for your child’s needs. You’re not limited to a single meeting either, you can request more meetings if you wish. 

Sometimes, face-to-face contact isn’t the best option for a child immediately after adoption, however, this may change over time. In these cases, we use something called a letterbox exchange.

When a child is matched with adopters, we look at what kind of contact will be helpful for them. In most cases, this includes a letterbox exchange between adopters and members of the child’s birth family. This means sharing letters through the agency, without addresses or surnames, so that everyone’s privacy is protected.

Letterbox contact helps keep the door open for your child’s questions and reassures birth relatives that the child is safe and doing well. It can also comfort children who worry about their birth family, giving them updates and peace of mind.

These arrangements have been in place for many years and work well with over 300 families in Buckinghamshire alone. During preparation groups, experienced adopters and our Staying in Touch Coordinator will share their experiences and answer any questions you have about contact.

When it’s in the child’s best interests and everyone can work together, face-to-face meetings can be part of Staying in Touch arrangements. These meetings may include birth parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, or foster carers - people who have played an important role in the child’s life.

Before a child is matched with adopters, we look at their need for contact and discuss this with prospective adopters. Planning starts with a ‘getting to know you’ meeting, so that the adults have all met before introducing a child.  During any meeting, the child is always supported by their adoptive parents. Sometimes at the start, a social worker will also be present. 

Email can be a helpful way for adoptive families and birth relatives to share updates and photos. It can be used alongside in-person meetings and, as technology develops, may include other options like video messages.

Whatever contact arrangements are agreed for your child, we’ll be here to guide and support you every step of the way.